Ahoy, says Spawn:
A fun part of my lab work is that I encounter a lot of technical literature with its own arcane jargon that records a history of folks trying to figure things out and then sharing discoveries with their peers and posterity. The other day I was trying to figure out how to adapt our old welding rig to a new unpressurized fuel. Short answer: Fuck adapting it, buy a whole new rig and stop wasting your time scouring said literature for the exact non-existent key to open the impossible non-lock of a door that is just your wishful thinking about the unlimited potential of DIY ingenuity.
I was looking through the Victor manual (# 0056-3260 for those following along at home) for our rig and found a glossary that had some delightful entries, so I adapted them to a random table for magical traps. In this context, Welds are a race of sentient demi-humans with longish rabbit-like legs able to leap high and run very fast. Fillet Welds are a caste of larger Welds possibly mutated by magic or are like Ogre Mages are to Ogres. They aren't evil necessarily. I may eventually elaborate on that.
Here you go: Assume traps are detectable by Detect Magic or similar (not just folks checking for traps), all are area effects with size affecting the whole party (but left to DM discretion), and folks can Save vs Spells to halve or avoid results unless specified (again, DM discretion).
Roll a d12, because you have not been rolling them enough:
1. Blowpipe: A 4' long rune-inscribed and totem-bedecked blowgun appears before the party and fires darts at every party member for each of two rounds before vanishing. Blowpipe attacks as F12 +2 to hit (not damage). Each dart does 1d6 damage. This is the ghostly Blowpipe of Helan Ogsblug, a Fillet Weld aspiring lich.
2. Burned Metal: Party suffers 2d6 fire damage for each failing a save and will suffer additional 2d6 damage for the next 1d4 encounters in which they could have made the game MORE METAL but chose not to. Characters being metal receive +1 bonuses to everything in potential metal encounters. What is metal is at the DM's discretion.
3. Butt Joint: Pairs of adjacent party members that both fail to save are fused together at the butt for 1d6 HOURS. Movement and combat are obviously inhibited. One butt-jointed pair will fill the standard 10' wide dungeon passage. Each casting of Dispel Magic will unfuse one butt cheek, allowing both members to face the same direction with difficulty (-2 to all rolls).
4. Capillary Action: Those failing to save are propelled through 10' wide or narrower corridors at 4x the normal movement rate for 1d12 rounds, slowing at 30' and wider passages but not stopping there short of 40' length. Every trap is sprung and has its effect. Damage is taken as 1d4 per 200' traveled. Monster encounters in the line of travel are as if the characters are surprising everything in their path but do unarmed damage (1d2).
5. Cutting Torch: Any lit torch immediately shoots out a line of flame 20' long for 2 rounds. If the bearer fails a d20 roll against DEX in either round, the torch is out of control and burns characters in a random line of fire for 2d6 damage each, 1/2 damage if they Save vs. Breath Weapon or similar. Bearers making the first DEX roll can direct the cutting torch as they please in the second round.
6. Face of Weld: The terrifying visage of an insane giant Weld with burning eyes and blood-dripping maw appears to fill the corridor ahead of the party. Those failing a save are affected as with Cause Fear, running away in utter existential terror, epistemologies fatally undermined, for 1d6 rounds at full speed.
7. Lap Joint: As for Butt Joint, except one of the pair is fused to the other's lap. Usually they are facing each other, but a 1 on a d4 means they face the same direction, and can likely move and attack together with 75% efficiency.
8. Neutral Flame: Party members suffer 2d6 of fire damage, no save. Those failing a save have alignment turned to Neutral for 1d6 HOURS. Classes depending on non-Neutral alignment (e.g., Clerics, MUs, Paladins, Assassins, etc. depending on the system and setting) are without class-based abilities for the duration. The DM can decide whether atonement or similar is called for to regain abilities.
9. Orifice: Party members failing the save fall through a magical portal and are transported together 1d6x100' away in any direction into an open space (i.e., not into living rock or dungeon furniture).
10. Slag Inclusion: Those failing a save have one piece of metal armor or a main weapon weakened for 1d4 turns. Affected items are only known to the DM (who may select them at random or choose them specifically), and will fail during a successful hit on a 1-2 on a d6; magic items apply their bonus to that roll. A weakened shield cannot be shattered to soak the damage of the hit, it will just shatter. Shattering weapons deal full damage in their death throe.
11. Throat of a Fillet Weld: The horrific wail of a disembodied Fillet Weld fills the ears and guts of party members, causing 1d6 damage to each. Those failing a save will loose control of their bowels for 1d4 rounds, vomiting and crapping themselves violently and will be unable to act for the duration. The DM has discretion to add subsequent penalties for adventuring in soiled trousers.
12. Toe of Weld: All party members are given the leaping ability of Welds for 1d12 rounds, but will not know their own strength immediately. The first step launches them into the ceiling, across the room, etc. at high speed causing 1d6 damage. Unless they take time to learn how to use their feet (i.e., until they make a DEX roll with a +1 bonus per subsequent round), any attempt to walk will propel them as before for 1d6 damage. After adapting to Toes of Weld, they can make leaping/kicking attacks for 2d6 damage for the duration of the spell.
Against the Starmaster news
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